| last one, i promise |
[28 Feb 2005|10:36pm] |
so, i suck.
i made another livejournal.
i realize, that i never really update livejournal, & im not really all that avid of a user...
but, when i comment, & when i do update, im going to be using __cadavers_____ so, all who want to, like i said before, can add me, i will probably just add all of the people i want that are on my list now anyways... so yea.
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| new journal |
[22 Feb 2005|08:45pm] |
idkkkk what im doing.
if you added my new journal, thanks, keep it added, plz.
If i just end up deleting that one too, i am sorry i wasted your time.
pfffffffffff..
i dont want to leave my journal.
boo hoo.
I dont think im gonna.
bye.
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| I guess I get points for actually putting this in a post. |
[17 Feb 2005|06:39pm] |
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 bitchy |
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music |
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the killers |
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You Know You're Addicted to LiveJournal When...
If you can't access the site, you have a minor freak out - and a major case of hitting reload.
You found yourself composing journal entries during dates, movies, even sex!
When you're out, you suddenly think of a witty reply to a comment somebody made to you... several days ago.
You actually call it LJ and not Livejournal. Check.
You've downloaded some sort of LJ program which has only the purpose of making entries easier to write without going on the site manually.
You consider it a great offense if someone deletes you off their friend's list.
The first thing you do every day when you go online is check your friends journals - even before checking your email.
You actually paid money for a few extra pictures with a full account when you could actually just alternate pics when you want to for your screen icons.
When your friends ask what's new, you get mad at them because you already wrote it in your LJ and they didn't check it yet.
You have put more time into LJ than all your assignments for the semester.
You have more friends on LJ than in real life.
You've met at laest 50% of your LJ friends.
You can't seem to call your friends by their real names - only LJ names will do.
You've fallen in love with someone you met on LJ.
You have posted about a party or get together on your LJ... and random strangers showed up.
You are guilty of traveling more than an hour to meet someone with LiveJournal. (Extra points for traveling five hours or more)
You've written a protected entry about one of your LiveJournal friends. (Extra points if they eventually found out about it)
You have written posts to notify people you're going to sleep.
You talk about your LJ friends to your real life friends all the time... like they're a part of your group.
You've created a LJ community, and people actually post in it.
You've been recognized in real live by a fellow LJ'er.
You have friended someone because of their LiveJournal icon.
You have "pity friends" on your list, who you would defriend if you could.
You've pimped one of your friends on journal, trying to get people to friend him / her.
Instead of doing research, you post difficult questions on your LiveJournal.
Your pets all have their own LiveJournals.
You know, right now, how many people have friended you (without peeking).
You've stopped being friends with someone in real life because of something they've said on LJ.
You're guilty of posting sexy or nude pictures to get more people to friend you.
You have consoled yourself after a horrible day thinking "At least this will make a great LJ post"
You're jealous of people who have more friends and / or comments than you.
You have written a really great, solid post - only to be disappointed by the lack of good comments.
You're guilty of commenting excessively to get more traffic to your journal.
You've deleted a post a few minutes (or hours) after you've written it, because it seemed lame in retro spect.
You give shout outs to all your LJ friends on their birthdays.
You have an additional, secret journal that hardly anyone knows about.
You've broken up with someone - or ended a friendship - soley via LiveJournal.
You have gotten mean anonymous comments (bonus points for figuring out who it was via their IP)
You've been reported (or reported someone) to LJ Abuse.
You've been featured on LJ Drama.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are LJ addicts.
SO IM GONNA BE WICKED UPSET IF MY LJ BUDDIES DONT COMMENT LOTS & LOTS!!!!
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| Hello, my love. Wasn't this trip quite fun? I think so. Just like you, so very cute and appealing. |
[07 Feb 2005|05:50pm] |
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mood |
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 envious |
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music |
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keepsake mo'fucka |
] |
I am studious. I listen when the teacher is talking. I do not doodle. Nikki is not buff.
I just killed your friends page.
Sorrrrry.
Nothing has been going on lately that is worthy of an update. I never update, everyday is the same. Sometimes stuff happens but I see no point in putting it in here. No one would care really.
Uhhhhmm, Red on the Day has a show on the 20th with Bury Your Dead!
No im lying. But they do have a show. On the 20th. With Paint the Town Dead.
:)/
fuckyesGMCwillbesuretohitthatup. Or maybe just me. Like USUAL. Stef Kelly *ahem*
Valentines day is soon, as is February vacation. As if you didnt know. bye i guess.
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| you know every word you say goes straight to my heart, no bypassing |
[23 Jan 2005|08:18pm] |
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mood |
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 ... |
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music |
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a life once lost |
] |
 I need to find one of those. I think I am going to go check out Ebay in a little bit..
Last week was amazing. I only had two full days. I slept alot. Midterms are my favorite, next to having no school at all.
Why was there a blizzard in NH on Saturday night? It would be more benefical on say, a SUNDAY night. This always happens. Its inescapable. Its also freezing.
...........I wonder what people taste like.
I love cats.
I like dogs.
I like frogs.
I wonder if one was to stab themselves in the heart, if it would have a greater hurt than if you just left it on its own while you let your mind wa n d e r.
Would it be more effective to stab your brain?
I wonder why people come in such vAri3tY.
What makes a person hate themselves, what makes them love themselves?
You arent even that great, dont love yourself. Dont hate yourself either.
Dont have a big ego. It pisses me off.
I wonder why some people are horrible and some are amazing.
Why are alot of i n d i v i d u a l s more fortunate than others? Why am I more fortunate than many? Why are many more fortunate than I?
Why dont I just speak my mind EVERY time someThing bothers me??
No one would like me...
EDIT-- I just realized my entry looks like Toris.
Pretty sweet.
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| l-l-l-l-l-l-liar...Youre a liar. |
[12 Jan 2005|06:09pm] |
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mood |
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ill kill her. |
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music |
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the sex pistols??? Sure. |
] |
I like to keep Nikkis LJ on my list & pretend she still has one cuz it makes me feel better.
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| the caption read "danger" silly boy, "you've got to know when to STOP." |
[08 Jan 2005|03:36pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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anterrabae/how joey got his groove back |
] |
To whom it may concern,
Talk shit about me, do it 24/7 & I still wont care.</p>
Talk shit about the people I love & I will kill you.</p>
You can take that as a promise.</p>
Sincerely, Bekki.</p>
-------------------> Anterrabae is the shit
---------->I finally figured out just about everything on my new digital camera. Its pretty awesome.
- I love him alot :}
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| time waits for no one |
[26 Dec 2004|10:55pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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further seems forever |
] |
I have felt like shit this whole week but today I feel much better. Its nice not to feel miserable. I have been listening to this further seems forever cd for hours and I feel like my ears are going to bleed. Ok. I only updated because I did this long thing. & because I was bored. & because I Love LJ alot.
Oh I hope everyone had a good Giftmas.
( servai. )
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| I should not have woken up this morning. |
[20 Dec 2004|07:56pm] |
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mood |
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 morose |
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music |
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the secret machines |
] |
Today was SO bad.
This is the first time I have... "over-shown my emotions" in school since like... a little less than a year ago.
Nothing more can be expected of an emo kid like me though.
Le sigh.!.
Walking in the hallways today made me want to punch everyone in the mouth that was smiling, even my best friends. Little...& big things kept building up today and by the end of the day I was fucking sick of it. I looked at Pats car and I was going to punch the window, but I just turned to Rikki and punched him in the arm and yelled what the fuck instead. I blame Eric because he hit my head with the trunk door by accident. Plus I blame the weather for being so cold and slippery. Yea I freaked out. Rikki still made me feel better even though I punched him... granted, I dont hit very hard. I think he thought it was funny.
I was surprised to see Kyle at my house when I got there. Very surprised. I thought he was "sleding".
I was with him till he left, then I watched Saved!... and now I feel better. A little. I guess since I cannot control my feelings I should stay in the dark and write depressing songs. Sigh, Sigh SIGH!
For those who cannot sense that sarcasm, allow me to let you know, I am being sarcastic. I had an off day. It happens. Dont eat asparagus the night before I guess.
I think its pretty stupid when people make statements into questions? Like this? To show sarcasm?
Ex: I love you guys so much? = I dont like you at all.
It makes you look unintelligent...but alas, you are, so at least the punctuation choices you make match your intelligence level so we all know your low capabilities directly from the grammar you use.
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| the story is in the soil; keep your ear to the ground |
[16 Dec 2004|09:53pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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further seems forever - light up ahead |
] |
Uhhhh, Sunday I went to a show at the bombshelter.
Red on the Day played late, but they did good, like usual and it was awesome. Heros 4 Hire sounds the same to me minus Tobys whines. I met the new guy, hes a nice kid. The Mourning Sky was really good, I liked them alot. A band near the beginning I liked too, I just dont remember who they were.
Everyone is sick, John and Shawn are out because of bronchytis(sp?), I think Rup is getting it, Kyle is sick, and now my throat hurts like a bitch. I figured that was going to happen. I suck.
Christmas is going to be really stupid this year. It gets worse every year. I think its because I get less stuff, and the holiday seems less, magical. I used to be surprised every year, now I pretty much help wrap my own presents.
I enjoy the Mars Volta, I want the cd instead of downloads off the internet.
Take this heart of darkness
-I give it up.
& all the emptyness
-I fill it up.
The times that I feel nothing
-You bring enough.
So I can live for something
-You lift me up.
& all these bad dreams
I wake up to the light
& when I cant see
I wake up to your eyes.
-Wake me up.
Theres a light up ahead
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| Your ashes will fuel the machine. |
[07 Dec 2004|09:53pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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unapplicable |
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Okay once I get bored, I just need to sign offline because when I dont, I just search for things to look at and read. I looked at an old friends old Livejournal entries this time. Mistake? Yeshhhh. Big one too. I cannot believe how unwilling I am to let go. I thought that I did, and I have? Maybe I just miss my old friend(s). Alot. I keep thinking about the awesome times I had last year that I wont have again with those people. Its sad. Im sure they dont care, or think about me anymore, but they arent the pathetic ones, I think. Its so sad that you could be so close to people and have their hatred in only a years time. I really wonder if they care. Should I care either way? People tell me that I shouldnt but honestly, they arent me, so therefore have no control over what and who I care about. I obviously dont either because, well, here I am. I guess after I go do my homework and fall asleep this will all be old hat until next time I go and think too much. Memories. Sigh. Haha, but it does make me laugh to think that like, all of my friends would be wicked mad at me if they knew the people that I was missing. Well fuck you, getting mad at me because I miss the good times, you dont even know. You fucking dont even know.
Off subject but still something that needs to be recognized - tacos & dunkachinos are SO good.
Bekki, you are a fat ass. Please no one comment to agree with that, it probably wouldnt do me any good.
I hate updating alot, but I have been lately.
Livejournal, you are the ventee, I am the venter.
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| tear my eyes right out; id rather see you without them anyways |
[05 Dec 2004|06:12pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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FFTL!!!! - ultimatums for egos |
] |
Holy shit, I have never been so happy because of one person and PISSED off because of certain people before in my life. I cannot believe how crazy it is, I want to push away this angry feeling that I have, I guess I will just have to kill them. Thats the only way that they will move the FUCK on, and I will get this feeling the FUCK out of me. !!!!!!!!!! Two contradictory feelings at the same time, I am really not enjoying this.
OK! SO!
This weekend was alright, Kyle got a sweet job with fucked hours. I am so selfish. 10pm-2am? Thanks but those are MY hours...
I like driving with Stephanie, it makes me feel sick, but its fun. We must have sang lovers & liars 43965894685 times together, with much talent i must say. I went to Newbury Comics on friday with her and spent my food money on the From First To Last EP. I didnt have enough for the cd. I am happy. I really like this band.
Whoa, drama at Steves house that night though. I was entertained. I would have to say that I enjoyed myself. I like sleeping in closets too... but fyi, not alone because then its just cold and uncomfortable.
hmm.
I'll be hiding in the shadows
I'll be waiting in the dark
to drive this blade straight through your heart
I'll drag your body to the car
as blood races down my arm
I think everyone will wonder where you are, do you?
I'll hide you in my walls
your body will never be found
I'll wear your skin as a suit, pretend to be you
your friends will like you more than they used to
dear diary my teen angst bullshit has a body count
I believe its 6 going on 7 now
I've been dreaming about you
in a pool of your own blood
with your eyes gouged out
by the work of my thumbs
the scent of your insides
from under the floorboards
the perfect perfume
to settle a score.
<3.
ride
the wings
of pestilence
EDIT---
MY LAYOUT IS FUCKING AWESOME AND WAY BETTER THAN YOURS! THANX TO ME!!!!
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| Hey, read this!!!! & then get a ticket!!! & then go to it!!! |
[01 Dec 2004|08:07pm] |
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---------------- |
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December 12th 4:00PM
$10.00 ALL AGES
@ THE BOMBSHELTER
97 EDDY RD BEHIND THE COCA-COLA FACTORY
~RED ON THE DAY
~BLACK DRAGON
~MOURNING SKY
~WORLD ABLAZE
See one of the band members for tickets
or call 264-1388 ask for the Rup.
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| I told him I was afraid of falling. Then he pulled me closer and whispered, "I have wings". |
[28 Nov 2004|11:23pm] |
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 confused |
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from first to last |
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Hello Bekki, you are FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!
You are all in one, confused and yet completely sure of yourself. You are sad and yet, you could not be happier. You are in love but you are missing. You are trusting but you cant get over the fact that people are subjectable to untrustworthy acts all of the time. When you are at home, you want to leave, when you are gone, you want to go home. A boy can make you SO happy, but can kill your heart. You are shy. You are pessimistic. You are outgoing. You love life.
...I love you Kyle. No opposite to that.
Goodnight.
ps: rotd!!
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| the signal flares will light the way to the scene of the accident.... |
[26 Nov 2004|02:15pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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the bled |
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update.
I forgot to say, in my last entry, Bands for cans was fun. Obviously some parts brought the day down but it was fun none the less. Ok, Thanksgiving was kind of lame. I dont like turkey or pretty much any food we have on that day except for pie. Plus, not even all of my family was there. Oh well, Christmas is comming up, hopefully it will be amazing and compensate for my sucky Thanksgiving. After the "celebrations" I went home and talked to Pat, and we decided to go to the movies. Ty couldnt go, apparenty..... and so I went with Pat and John to see Alexander. It was an alright movie, kinda made me question Colin Farrells sexuality, and he looks really bad with blonde hair by the way. It was 3 fucking hours too, kind of outrageous. But I came to the conclusion that Jared Leto is amazing!!!...
and I already knew but I know more now that Angelina Jolie is amazing too, you all know what she looks like.
Kbye...
PS: The signal flares will light the way
to the scene of the accident where we'll dance
like a pile of teeth in a broken mouth
Such a sick celebration
Everyone loves a fucking tragedy
in epic proportions
Lets set our hearts at self-destruct.
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| whoa welcome to fagsville. |
[22 Nov 2004|06:11pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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boys night out. |
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s'cuse me, why am I on your friends list?
Why do you talk to me, if you do talk to me?
I would like to know, seriously.
I just noticed how, dependent i am on other people to make me happy. Without certain people in my life everyday im not as happy as i could be if they were there. I get moody, and i whine about it whether aloud or in my head. I let it take over my day. Lame. Or maybe the people i love should always be with me everyday forever!...no. Also, I need to be smarter and more attentive, i have noticed lately that in half of my classes all i do is space, daydream if you will. I need top notch grades cuz another thing that brings me down is a low GPA. Or maybe my teachers should learn not to drone on and on, and start making stuff interesting, MRS WHITE... Or not. PLUS, I need to be less obsessive over minor things. I should use that concern with my work instead of, i dont know, what im doing friday night. I want to be better.
In other news, an early, Happy Thanksgiving, and days following it.
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| I LOVE CUTE ANIMALZ!!!! |
[17 Nov 2004|09:39pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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the sweet melodies of bury your dead |
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 akdjsakfjwrewfnvnhhhhhhh!!!!!
WICKED CUTE!
I love Mrs Conway and Mrs Johnson.<3
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| Beware! I have a disease where borderline intolerance fucks lethargy in a rythmic fashion. |
[04 Nov 2004|11:22pm] |
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mood |
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 impressed |
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music |
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(very quiet) Anterrabae |
] |
Yea Baby!
In other news. I just stayed up all night doing my project for Economics. I waited till the last minute once again, but i have confidence in it. I think i did well. I also love Microsoft Word because it recovered my information when I didnt save it and i needed to restart my computer. Bill Gates thank you once again!
In 30min it will be Friday. I am x-ing my fingers for Danvers on Saturday. You should be too... for me.
.:EDIT:.
Add oh StagnantDeath over my old screenname. This will be the last time I fucking change it.
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